It's been about 10 years since I performed in a play or musical but my parents still think I'm the bee's knees when it comes to being on stage. Boy, are they delusional. I've tried out for a couple things in the past few years at the local community playhouse and these people aren't joking!
Last week I tried out for a play and didn't get a callback. I even had to kiss a dude, all for naught, apparently. Well the others auditioning sure got a rise out of it... until it was their turn ;0)
So last night, I took a dance practice class for an upcoming audition for 'Chicago'. You have to pay to take the class and it was an hour and a half long but it was with the choreographer, so it was a great chance for me to make a fool of myself in front of her before the actual audition.;)
Getting ready at home, I considered wearing my tights with some exercise shorts to try to fit the role of dancer, but opted for gym shorts, a tee and tennis shoes. I walk into the class and BAM! It's like something out of a movie (read: "Fame"... I've yet to see it, but now I think I have). All these fit girls in leotards and tight clothes with multiple layers. They were all wearing ballet flats or tan character heels. They were all stretching and chatting and already knew each other. A handful of guys too. And there I was, looking like I was gonna go lift weights.
But good ol' Eleanor Roosevelt popped into my head: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." THANK YOU! So, I decided, good for them, being regular, prepared dancers. I'm at my own level, no one expects me to be at theirs, and that's okay. I just assume they're not bitches and that they aren't judging me and I keep to myself and do my ONE stretch... which is to see if I can touch my toes while sitting on the floor.
It's time to start with the group warm-up and I find myself a nice spot in the back left corner of the room. I make sure I can see the teacher Roxanne, (how appropriate for 'Chicago', eh?) either in line of vision or with the help of the mirrors. Did I mention there are probably 40-50 people in this class? And the warm-ups were the easiest part. Luckily, Roxanne was nice and the mood was positive.
When we got to the actual dance moves and there was choreography involved, I flashbacked to high school Show Choir. Let's just say this... I am NOT a Gleek. When it comes to choreographed dancing, singing and looking happy, I have a really hard time keeping it all together. So when this room full of trained dancers is able to gracefully master the movements within a few attempts and I'm flailing and tripping across the floor, I remind myself: they have been doing this for years and I have not, so there is no need to compare myself to them. Even when we have small groups performing and there is definitely more focus on me and the few others. =/
I also do my best to forgo saying anything negative about my dancing (even when the other girls speak poorly of their good moves). I'm not going to make excuses for myself to show I know I'm not getting it right. And I'm especially not going to make the ugly face while dancing that screams: "I know I look horrible right now and I know I messed that up. And that too. And that." Nope, because if there's one thing I've learned from my background as a performer... if you can't make it, fake it. Don't let your face tell the audience you're struggling. Just keep a smile on your face or whatever emotion it is you're supposed to emit. Keep moving and congratulate yourself on executing that move that you missed last time. You are improving with more practice.
It's always taken me longer to get choreography to flow naturally from my body but that makes me glad that I went to this class before the audition. That means I have three weeks to practice these movements and find videos online and practice learning quickly from those. Hopefully by the time the audition comes around, I will have shortened down the time it takes me to learn a move and execute it within a string of other moves. Maybe not by a large amount but hopefully enough that myself and maybe even the teacher will notice the improvement.
I also hope that the teacher will notice that I carry a positive air around me... that I don't make the 'frustrated face' and I don't look jealously at the others who have more training than I do. Hopefully she sees that I am trying to get the moves and that it may take me a little longer but I'm capable of improvement. Hopefully she has some faith in me.
Even if I don't make this musical, there are other auditions coming up, maybe for something for which I'm more suited. I'm also keeping in mind something an instructor said recently: "Don't look at auditions as a means to an end but enjoy the experience as it's happening." That's a pretty important life lesson: Don't worry so much about the destination, but enjoy the journey.
So to sum it up with what I posted on my facebook fan page last night:
