Lunch as a Spectator Sport

Here is the notice I posted yesterday to my social network chums about my lunch:

Tragic, yet tasty.

Here are my thoughts today.

Day 2 of eating a salad composed of "stuff in my fridge that I eat so it doesn't rot and I don't starve". Again: Spinach Leaves, sliced tomato, Persian cucumber, and strawberries. A co-worker walked around in the break room, studying my salad from every angle like it was some unknown creature break-dancing on the countertop. She asked me what kind of dressing I put on it. I said none and she conceded: "Oh just the juices from the tomato, huh?" Uh... sure. (it is kinda slimy, so I suppose that's kind of a dressing.)

1) Just b/c I eat healthy (sometimes) doesn't mean that's why I'm small. I'm small because of genetics and metabolism. Don't hate me for my size and don't congratulate me on 'eating so well'. I have a huge pack of ramen on standby. It is what it is. Some people live to eat. I usually eat so my blood sugar doesn't drop and I don't start shaking like a salt shaker all over the place.
2) I am not a health guru, so no need to take notes from my meals. Even when I throw out convincing phrases like "the sweetness of the strawberries counteracts the bitter spinach leaves".
3) If I have a salad composed of things that grow in nature, it's not necessary to throw 'dressing' on it. I'm not even sure what dressing really is and plus, I have 4 food items in my salad. That's a lot of flavor on its own... why throw processed gunk in there?
4) Why does eating at work have to be so complicated? Everyone comments on your lunch like they are commenting on the weather. I just wanna eat so I don't die, yo. And then I'm gonna go out in whatever weather we've got today, not caring what the meteorologists say will happen later this week. I know these topics are deemed "safe", but they get rather trite. I DO remember once truthfully answering "not good" when asked how a recent holiday had gone. MWAHAHAHAHA The next time they asked, they remembered to really give a crap about the answer ;)

My Morning Brain is a Wasteland of EVIL

(First post in over a year? I know I had some funny thoughts in 2012... Didn't I?)

Sometimes, I realize how terrible my brain can be in the morning and it's a good thing I live by myself or I could be doing some serious damage to my relationships. I think part of the problem is in order to prevent myself from hitting the snooze button and curling back into bed, I try to engage my brain by reading Facebook posts on my phone. BAD IDEA. WORST IDEA EVER.

My Morning Brain hates life, humanity and everything involved in having an opinion that is stupid, wrong or ill-informed. My Morning Brain hates anyone who expresses anything remotely positive or happy go lucky. My Morning Brain will kill you all. It probably doesn't help that I'm ill and I'm sure this affects my Morning Brain slightly.

But here is an alteration to Psalm 23 to let you know how much my Morning Brain hates life:

The Bed is my Safe Place; I shall not leave.
Bed maketh me to lie down in comfy sheets:
Bed leadeth me to have crazy-ass dreams.
Bed restoreth my soul:
Bed leadeth me in the paths of sleepiness for Bed name' sake.

Yea, when I wake I'm the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For evil art with me;
With rod and my staff, I'll beat you down.
Friends posteth stupid shit on facebook and thus becometh mine enemies;
Facebook was a bad idea; It's Mahjong from now on.

Surely sleeptime and dreams shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in my House in my Bed forever.
AMEN.

Norwegian Troll and Community

For those of you who know me, you will know I am in love with the show Community, now on Season 3 on the telly. For those of you who watch it as religiously as I, you also know that it recently aired the most clever episode ever: Remedial Chaos Theory, airdate 10/13/2011... available for a limited time here.

I will now proceed to spoil the episode for those of you that haven't seen it, complete with screenshots of the Traditional Norwegian Troll and the chaos it induces. Let's just say, I created a bunch of screenshots and plastered them all over my dear unsuspecting friend's facebook wall on a Friday night when she wouldn't see it coming. In fact, she may still not know as I have yet to hear from her. Either that or she is no longer my friend. Or maybe the troll got her. But anyway, here are the screenshots to share with you!

P.S. I think this episode may have been more clever than the paintball episodes and I loved those mucho. Okays, enjoy!!

The Traditional Norwegian Troll is introduced

Jeff Winger, confused by said Traditional Norwegian Troll

Pierce taunting Troy with the troll

Pierce keeping Troy at bay with the Troy while Abed watches

The Chaos....

....caused by the troll

The very evil Traditional Norwegian Troll

Traditional Norwegian Troll wants to play video games

Evil Abed (as opposed to generally altruistic Abed)

Evil Troy and Evil Abed (notice Troy's voicebox)

Evil Troy and Evil Abed handshake

 Okay, so I hope you enjoy the pictures, which you might, even if you are clueless but which you most definitely will if you are a fan of the show.


While you are here, please feel free to read other blog entries AND check out my other blogs that have to do with travel, movies and living a childfree life! (which consequently leaves more time for blogging about said topics!) ;) Peace!

Spammers Make Me Laugh, Part 1

I know most people find SPAM to be annoying, but sometimes I find it to be entertaining. And hey, these hard-working spammers deserve some recognition for their hard work, right? ;)

(The original spam is in italics, my comments in bold. Stuff that's just needs attention is underlined)

Re: Payment Notification


We are writhing to know if it's true that you are DEAD? Yes, capitalize that. Because it might bring me back from the dead. Because we received a notification from one MR. GERSHON SHAPIRO of USA stating that you are DEAD and that you have giving him the right to claim your funds. What funds would those be? He stated you died on a CAR accident. Dying ON a car accident is a terrible way to go. He has been calling us regarding this issue, but we cannot proceed with him until we confirm this by not hearing from you after 7days. I'm glad they won't proceed without solid confirmation.

Be advised that we have made all arrangements for you to receive and confirm your funds without anymore stress, and without any further delays. All we need to confirm now is your been DEAD Or still Alive. These funds, the arrangements are ready to go to me, you say?

Because this MAN'S message brought shock to our minds. How shocking of this MAN! And we just can't proceed with him until we confirm if this is a reality OR not But if it happened we did not hear from you after 7days, then we say: MAY YOUR SOUL REST IN PERFECT PEACE" YOUR JOY AND SUCCESS REMAINS OUR GOAL. So, you wish me a successful and joyful death? Cool, thanks.

May the peace of the Lord be with you wherever you may be now.
Your Faitfully,
Mrs Farida Waziri

Here's another one I received today....

Mrs. Stephanie Adams.
My Dear one in Christ.

My name is Stephanie Adams the wife of late Mr. Adams Andrew , who served as a director in the Cocoa processing board before his untimely death after a long illness here in a hospital.

Though his death was suspected to be the hand work of his close associates who travelled to France with him shortly before he became ill. But I leave that to the Almighty because i took courage in what the bible said in Isaiah 35:7-10. See below for the actual passage, which of course has nothing to do with murderous business partners....

Before his death, he told me of a deposit of ($12.5 Million US dollars) which he wanted to use for the purchase of cocoa processing machine. This money is presently now in the finance company here in GHANA . We didn't have any children that is my reason for donating this money.

I am presently very ill in a hospital from the Stroke that happened to me shortly after the death of my husband. But if i remember what the Bible said in Ecc.7:8-9, again see below... actually about patience? then my heart is filled with gladness. I also thank God for the help and assistance i receiving from a nurse in the hospital who is also a believer (Nurse Felicia).

I want to donate this money for the service of God and his Children, and i want it to be used like i have said. And i believe God will guide you to achieve this purpose. In every situation, the bible teaches us that it is right to give thanks and praise to God.

Reply me very quickly so that i will inform you of the next step because of my worsening health condition and moreover, i am not worried or afraid of death because the bosom of the Lord is there for those of his children that served him in truth and spirit. Please pray for me.


May the Lord guide and add more anointing upon you.

Yours beloved Sister
Mrs. Stephanie Adams.

Um, pretty sure he wants his money used for a cocoa processing machine!! Is it that hard to honor your dead husband's wishes? Especially after you think his business partners murdered him? Gee, maybe you helped?

Isaiah 35:7-10

King James Version (KJV)

 ⁷And the parched ground shall become a pool, and the thirsty land springs of water: in the habitation of dragons, where each lay, shall be grass with reeds and rushes.
 ⁸And an highway shall be there, and a way, and it shall be called The way of holiness; the unclean shall not pass over it; but it shall be for those: the wayfaring men, though fools, shall not err therein.
 ⁹No lion shall be there, nor any ravenous beast shall go up thereon, it shall not be found there; but the redeemed shall walk there:
 ¹⁰And the ransomed of the LORD shall return, and come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads: they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.

Ecclesiastes 7:8-9

King James Version (KJV)

 ⁸Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.
 ⁹Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.

Note to self: Quoting the Bible is great... It doesn't even have to fit into context! 

Thank you, spammers!